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[11 Oct 2004|10:55am]
I got a new journal,so stop looking at this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7,bringer of light s & Shaitan

[07 Oct 2004|04:53pm]
[ mood | fine ]

Watching Manson's new video, pretty good, definetly my kind of shit.
I'm starting to get sick of homecoming, people just kill me sometimes, god...

I love Caitlin!!!!

My books came in down at the library, John Shirley, he's pretty good, he used to be the lead guy in Blue Oyster Cult. He writes really good though, i'm reading his ...And the Angel with Television Eyes i'm not very far in it but its definetly good.

Not much else going though...tomarrow is the parade and game and then saturday is the dance, i get to go with caitlin!!! I think were eating at her house before the dance, that should be cool.

I love Caitlin!!!!

16,bringer of light s & Shaitan

[04 Oct 2004|04:08pm]
[ mood | impatient ]

I have got to tell you about my dream, sorry caitlin i know you heard but i just got to tell you:

I'm in my kitchen and there is all of these babys in glass boxes, there all deformed like with big heads and to much skin. All of them have this crazy disease, why i don't know. Then in my nonsitting sitting room there are these adults and there all diseased and i touch there hands like i'm comforting them. Then i go back into the kitchen and open up the cabnet to find this black baby dead and he's sitting next to my cat for some reason. i put him back in the glass box and find that the other baby in the kitchen is dead, then i go back into the living and then return to the kitchen and both babies are sitting straight up and rigid but i didn't do it. Then i turn around again and think all the diseased peopel are alive and behind behind and i do this yelp like scream thing and my mom comes from their bedroom and i turn around and everything is still the same.

It was very, very odd. my day wasn't to bad though, normal i guess by my standards. Homecoming week though and i can't wait till friday, i get to go with caitlin, i'm so happy!!!!

Play practice tonight but i don't think many people are gonna show, it's kind of depressing if you ask me, but hey whatever.

Not much else to say,...later

6,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Stuff [30 Sep 2004|03:38pm]
[ mood | fine ]

Getting new icons...its so very fun!!!!
I tried to redo my fucking journal but the border went crazy again like in my other one, this is bullshit. But hey at least i like this layout, i mean i could be stuck with something that totally sucked.

School was fine today i guess, it you can ever consider school fine that is. Not to much homework, pretending to do spanish over here so i can get on the fucking internet, god i am so evil.

Nothing really to say, i can't think right now. I get to go to play tonight, sorry caitlin about not being able to help, i feel bad.

Kinda bored i think but not really. my dad is making shit for play right know. I'm going to homecoming, it should be interesting. Its pretty much everone i hate in one big fucking room dressed all nice and trying to pretend they love the person their holding but doind a shitty job cause you know all their thinking about is how they can get layed by at least two people. Its bullshit, but i'll go cause i love caitlin.

I think i'm done know though....

Owww and Klci, salt and vinegar will never fly with Lays.

10,bringer of light s & Shaitan

[24 Sep 2004|03:26pm]
[ mood | Better now ]

Sorry about those last two entries. i think i'm going crazy.

I havn't cut for three weeks know. I'm very, very happy. I love caitlin so much, she makes me feel good. Mooses are evil.....just get that through your head right know!!!!

Why the hell am i writing this?

Matt is nice, he sat with us and talked to us, it was cool.

Certain people are starting toagitate me very severly.

I died last night for play, i get fucking electricuted!!!!!! Why the hell does that make me so happy?!

8,bringer of light s & Shaitan

[24 Sep 2004|03:14pm]
[ mood | bored ]

THis is for Kelci, mooses are very, very, very fucking evil!!!!!!!

I don't really have anything to say. I have play practice tomarrow from ten to one. That should be fun. I get to see Caitlin. I'm bored....I get pizza tonight though, i'm very happy about pizza.

Comment war for Caitlin, my computer is being an asshole.

[Middle English, formless primordial space, from Latin, from Greek khaos.]
cha·otic (-tk) adj.
cha·oti·cal·ly adv.

\Cha"os\ (k[=a]"[o^]s), n. [L. chaos chaos (in senses 1 & 2), Gr. cha`os, fr. cha`inein (root cha) to yawn, to gape, to open widely. Cf. Chasm.] 1. An empty, immeasurable space; a yawning chasm. [Archaic]

Between us and there is fixed a great chaos. --Luke xvi. 26 (Rhemish Trans.).

2. The confused, unorganized condition or mass of matter before the creation of distinct and orderly forms.

3. Any confused or disordered collection or state of things; a confused mixture; confusion; disorder.

Sigl of Baphomet

The inverted pentacle with a goat's head is called the Sigl of Baphomet. The term may have come from two Greek words, baphe and metis, meaning "absorption of knowledge." It has also been called the Black Goat, Devil's Goat, Goat Head, Goat of Mendes, and Judas Goat. Its first appearance appears to have been during the vicious interrogation of members of the Knights Templar by the Christian Inquisition. There was little consensus among different victims' descriptions of the Baphomet. It can probably be safely assumed that their description of the Baphomet is more a product of the Inquisition's torture methods than of any actual statue that was in use by the Knights.

"In the 20th. century Karl Kellner and other German occultists formed the secret order of the O.T.O. (Ordo Templi Orientis or Order of Templars in the East). They installed the English occultist Aleister Crowley to head their British section. Crowley took Baphomet as his magical name." 15

Today, the Baphomet is widely used by religious Satanists. The Church of Satan also uses a second symbol which is an infinity sign (a figure 8 on its side). A Roman cross is placed on top with a second, longer cross piece added beneath the top cross piece.

6,bringer of light s & Shaitan

[23 Sep 2004|04:09pm]
[ mood | Argh!!!! ]

mor·tal·i·ty (môr-tl-t)
n. pl. mor·tal·i·ties
1. The quality or condition of being mortal.
2. Mortals considered as a group; the human race.
3. Death, especially of large numbers; heavy loss of life: the mortality wrought by an epidemic.
4. Death rate.
5. The rate of failure or loss: the high mortality among family-run farms.

dec·a·dence (dk-dns, d-kdns)
1. A process, condition, or period of deterioration or decline, as in morals or art; decay.
2. often Decadence A literary movement especially of late 19th-century France and England characterized by refined aestheticism, artifice, and the quest for new sensations.

[French décadence, from Old French decadence, from Medieval Latin dcadentia, a decaying, declining, from Vulgar Latin *dcadere, to decay.

School is hell, i hate people so much i think my eyes are going to explode

My day sucked

Caitlin was gone all fucking day, it sucked so fucking unimaginabley bad

i really fucking hate people


Something is cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb

-Marilyn Manson

I have this line from an Emily Dickenson poem, as soon as i remeber it, i think i'll put it in my journal, that would be fun.

New updating shit sucks!!! i dislike this very, very much!!!

Hollow is nothing more than an adjective for dead

2,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Nothing [17 Sep 2004|03:36pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

At Grams. Ow man it is great.

Cody's birthday party is tomarrow. That just means people will come over, ugh...

i don't have anything to say, just fucking with my layout, i guess i didn't change much though, whatever....

I'm having a lack of sleep....yay!!!!! :/ I love Caitlin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

4,bringer of light s & Shaitan

So... [17 Sep 2004|12:22pm]
[ mood | confused ]

So goddamn busy
So little sleep
So much shit to day
So many lines to remeber
So much effort needed

God damnit i think i care to much

I have a fucking 98% in Biology, i rock!!!

4,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Frank!!! [14 Sep 2004|06:17pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

The Tree of Life is in my backyard, that is so scary!!!!

i would like to post a shout out to Frank, man i'm glad you make david happy!!!! LOL

8,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Smile for the camera [10 Sep 2004|04:07pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I redid my journal again, i found a bunch of icons i like. Going to the game tonight, i get to see Caitlin, i'm happy.

Me Kaley fought and then she apologized in spanish,i was fucking shocked. I'm better know.

6,bringer of light s & Shaitan

[07 Sep 2004|06:34pm]
10,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Thoughts [04 Sep 2004|10:12am]
[ mood | blah ]

I talked to the new kid the other day in gym. All he could talk about was crack, i don't really want any, go away. He's as odd as me. I don't like opium either, i want him to shut up. School sucks, people suck, what more is their to say. There is not enough room between our lockers and Kayle's ass is to big and Justin Koeler takes up to much fucking space. There's a locker in between us, just go away! School is like a bad habit you know that, i don't really know why i think that but hey, that's what i'm gonna think.

I'm getting my Zim dvds today hopefully, or else i think i'll be pissed. Maybe i'll get a cd, i don't know. I have to cut grass, i don't want to cut grass. The money is nice though. We went out to eat last night. The mining company. I had a taco salad with chicken on it, it was great.

I had play meeting yesterday, i don't know if i want to act though, i'm really don't know. Maybe i will but hate auditions, they suck and i get so nervious. Whatever....stupid petty problems. I havn't cut for a little while know, i happy, but then i know that won't last, it never does, that blissful bubble always has to be shatterd by some iggnorant asshole.

I posted in Asphault Flowers, so now you can't bug for a while. It meets the Kelci's challenge to, it's about suffering, everyone suffers, but don't bathe yourself in self-pity because no matter how bad it is, there is always someone suffering somewhere. It's stupid, i don't really like it. God....i don't like writing anymore.

I think i'm gonna go now, i don't want to write anymore

4,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Carrots [31 Aug 2004|06:39pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Warning: Carrots are coming i warn you know. Grab your cabbages and run or you will be over taken. Run now!!!!!!!!!

8,bringer of light s & Shaitan

[28 Aug 2004|12:47pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

This was in Heather's journal, isn't it neat?

"I am Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow and I have the power to be born a second time. I am the divine hidden soul who created the gods and gives sepulchral meals to the denizens of the deep, the place of the dead, and heaven... Hail lord of the shrine that stands in the center of the earth. He is I, and I am He!
-Egyptian Book Of The Dead

School started Wednsday, its just kind of boring right know. i wish i didn't have to go, but their is no way in hell i could be home schooled, anyways i'd miss my friends to much.


My grandma got home last night from her surgery, we spent the night just i case she needed anything. She's a lot better then when i went to see her Thursday night. They had her on some type of pain killer. It really didn't agree with her. She went of talking about silverware and she was really confused, she keep looking for stuff that wasn't there. She talked like she was drunk too, it was crazy. Apparently she was even worse before we got their because she keep telling my mom about this squirel that shut of her alarm clock and about a telemarkter that called her in the hospital. She was totally out of it.

It's raining out right now, it's kind of nice, i like it when it rains.

8,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Letter [24 Aug 2004|11:28am]
[ mood | okay ]

Here's a letter i wrote to Alex for Mackenzie,i hope she likes it!

You mother fucking asshole I hope you fucking burn in hell for all this shit that you’ve done to Mackenzie, your such a fucking dick!!!!!!!! I bet you wish you had one don’t you!!??? Ow hell yeah you, you cock sucking fucking bastard!!!!!!!!! Is god ok with shit, probably not right?! You fucking got her pregnant so know you’ll marry her to make everything look ok. You stupid fucking bastard!!!!! I hope she cuts off your goddman dick!!!!!!!! Maybe god will, he doesn’t like cause you’re a piece of chicken shit. Dropping out of the navy!!! Can’t you kill anyone or are just so fucking scared you wet yourself thinking about holding a gun. God you fucking disgust me. I hope you rot honestly….you giant pill of dog shit. He’s probably cheating on you know that. She wants to crush your puny heart in her hands just like you did kenze and then watch you cry like a fucking baby when its all over. Either that or she was hopping for sex and then she realized you couldn’t deliver cause your dick isn’t visable you have to have a gold cross as replacement. And let me also make a note, it’s fake cold ain’t it, that spray paint shit!!!! You are such a fucking asshole.

We’ll wasn’t this a nice chat…

Remember don’t get hard, god will be angry with you you little shit.


SchoolCollapse )

2,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Concert [23 Aug 2004|01:03pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

I had my concert last night, it was FUCKING awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad i got to go, that show rocked. Godsmack played for about and hour, and Metallica for 2 and half. Lots of fire and shit, right before One they all these and explosions and shit. It was cool.

[Edit]i don't like people

i wish they would go away

Except for the good ones, like Caitlin and Heather and Kelci and Mackenzie and the other people i like who read this

yeah you can stay, ever one else has to fuck off
[End Edit]

Nothing else to say really other than the concert rocked. Dreading school though, i don't want to see any of those fucking people.

I'm tired to

[Another Edit]

i found this....i was looking through some old stuff, its odd, i think i'm crazy, o my god

you stupid fucking mechanical animal

The Man in My Head [23 Feb 2004|09:06am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Mushroomhead ]

There's a man in my head and he's got a gun. He's gunna shot me, i'm gonna die, i'm gonna cry. Help me please
(He's gonna shot me!!!)
I don't want to die, i don't want to bleed, I'm sorry
(He's got a gun!!)
Please don't hurt me, let me be i'm
(He's gonna shot me)
sorry, so sorry, just let me die, and let me, jsut let me cry. Please help me.

He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!
He's got a GUN!!!!

And he's gonna SHOT me!!!
And he's gonna SHOT me!!!
And he's gonna SHOT me!!!
And he's gonna SHOT me!!!
And he's gonna SHOT me!!!
And he's gonna SHOT me!!!
And he's gonna SHOT me!!!
And he's gonna SHOT me!!!

I'm so, so sorry.

3,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Rambaling [20 Aug 2004|10:21am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

I'm camping this weekend, yeah how fun is that. No food, sleep out under the clouds which are raining on my head, hell yeah, dons't that sound fun?!

My concert is this weekend, i can't wait, my uncle rocks!!!!

My grandma is having surgery on wensday, of course no one will tell me why and i be a nervous wreck the whole fucking day. Thank you mom and dad!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired, my mother was being a bitch about me getting up to late in the morning so this mrning i got up at 5:30 just to be a dick about shit.

I miss Caitlin, i miss people, i miss something i just don't now what it is. My heart just aches right now.

Nice talkin to ya.

Girl -- Slow down. Im scared.
Guy -- No this is fun.
Girl -- No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy -- Then tell me you love me.
Girl -- Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy -- Now give me a BIG hug.
-=Girl hugs him=-
Guy -- Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):

A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy had realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live, even though it meant that he would die.

If there's anyone you love this much, re-post this.

8,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Cliche (Whatever) [18 Aug 2004|10:14am]
[ mood | creative ]

This is the sequel, finally, to the first play like thing that I wrote about me, Caitlin, and the Man with the Gun. I’ve included that play below, just to refresh you memories, because it has been a hell of a long time. I’ve decided to release it in three increments, below is the first of the three were I raise MarzChopstickz.

The BeginningCollapse )

Part One: ResurrectionCollapse )

12,bringer of light s & Shaitan

Bored [16 Aug 2004|10:10am]
[ mood | bored ]

Nothing to say really, my weekend was pretty good, not much happening thought. Friday the thirteenth was nice, pretty good luck. Superstiction is bullshit.

I miss Caitlin, a lot.

Mondays suck for some reason.

Concert in 6 days

School in 9 days

*Giant sigh

6,bringer of light s & Shaitan

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